loccent | run with wolves

[His response has Eun grinning, and she shakes her head, turning away again to get a spatula from nearby. The icing is set enough to serve the cinnamon rolls, she thinks. She plates one and slides it over to Asil before plating another for herself.]

I'd like a night on the town with you, and I don't care what car you drive as long as it won't break down on us. [Which she doubts they would.] And honestly, aside from hitting late night diners with friends after a shift, there isn't really anything from the night life in San Francisco I'd miss here. I danced but I don't love it, I can't get drunk, and I'm pretty sure I have no reason to be looking for hook-ups anymore.

[At this point, she meets his eyes again, and lifts the cinnamon roll to her mouth to take a healthy bite.]

I'd be happy with good food and maybe a pub or bar that has some good, live music.

I will keep that in mind. [ He turns his attention to the cinnamon roll and savors the first bite before turning his attention back to Eun.

There are places he could take her. His favorite restaurants, a café that he has accompanied Anna or Kara to. ]

[Eun takes another bite, savoring the taste (they've turned out quite well, in her opinion) before turning her attention back to Asil.]

Good?

Excellent.

[ And because there is a bit of frosting at the corner of her mouth, he rises from his seat and crosses to her to steal a kiss; tongue flicking out teasingly just because. ]

[She absolutely cannot fault him for joining her where she stands than simply pointing out that she has icing on her mouth. Her hand is still holding her roll which only leaves the other to wrap around behind his back as he kisses her. Teases.

Memories of last night are not that far away, but the demands of her stomach are loudest. With a flush to her cheeks and slightly darkened eyes, she leans against him...but the roll moves up between them. She offers him a bite of her own.]

If you tease me with your tongue again like that I'm going to forget all of my good intentions for this morning.

[ He laughs, and dips his head to take a bite from the roll. Chews. ]

We can indulge in both.

[ So very matter-of-fact. ] But I will behave. You had other questions?

[ About him. About Aspen Creek. About anything else under the bright sun above. ]

[Eun continues to eat her cinnamon roll after he's had his bite, and pulls the tray closer to where he'd been sitting.

She did have other questions. Many of them. But a good half of them had to do with Him. His wolf. Them. Their relationship.

The nature of mating bonds.]

I do, but it would be premature to bring them up this morning, and I've probably put you on the spot enough last night. [Leaning up, she steals a kiss from him, no escalation of his previous one.] I think the others I have are more to do with general werewolf things and I may get those answers along the way the more time I spend here in Aspen Creek, talking with people.

That is true. [ But his curiosity is getting the better of him. And this morning, things are less emotionally charged in comparison to last night. ]

But ask me regardless? [ He settles back into his chair, a gesture that says yes, I will behave.

To set expectations however, he adds: ] As for questions about and directed to the pack. I think it is best that you know that beyond Charles, Anna, myself and Leah, the other wolves may elect to omit details for both your safety and theirs. At least, until they secure outright permission from Bran.

[Eun follows him this time, taking the seat closest to him and dragging her plate with it. She finishes off her roll in another two bites, and pulls a second onto her plate. But after she licks her fingers free of icing, because the cinnamon rolls are in fact a messy business, and there is absolutely no reason to wipe good icing off on a napkin.]

I think anything else I might want to know about being a werewolf would at most fall into a category of "confidential to anyone not a werewolf" for the general things. And anything that falls outside of werewolf information I would likely bring to you, Anna, or Leah first anyway.

[She shifts a little on her seat, considering his invitation to ask him questions regardless. For a while, she is quiet, considering her questions and the possible path a conversation could take from each of them. It is clear that she is being cautious and careful.]

Last night you said you'd answer any questions I had about mating bonds. And that you would not rush things with us. Yes?

[ He nods, listening, even as he pulls pieces of his own cinnamon roll apart to better savor each bite.

He can tell from the timbre of her voice and the pause she takes that she is weighing her thoughts. So he waits, and when she asks, he answers: ] Yes. On both counts.

[There's more quiet from Eun as she stalls, taking a bite of her second roll now. She chews. Swallows.]

Will you tell me about mating bonds and how they differ from the pack bonds first?

[Implying that she will have more questions after. And it would not be a great leap of logic to assume they will have to do with their pacing and trajectory.]

[ No, it does not take much to assume where this might lead, but that she asks is important. And he will never shy from relaying the truth of things. ]

You have experienced pack bonds. You understand that there is a mystical connection that lets us know, with a mix of instinct and magic, who are pack and who are not. Pack is comfort and reassurance that you run with others like you.

A mate bond is similar. But deeper, and with characteristics that can vary from pair to pair.

It can be as simple as knowing where each other is at all times, with telepathy that allows you to communicate soul to soul.

For others, it can take an extreme slant. Where characteristics of one mate bleeds into the other and vice versa. There is a wolf who is mated to a blind woman who can see so long as her husband is in the same room. Another strange example is how Mercedes was able to draw out silver that was killing Adam and his pack through their connection.

[ He pauses, because that story made the rounds. And this is him confirming that it is far from embellished hype. ]

[Eun eats, and listens, and is glad for sticky icing to give her an excuse for why she is not touching him as he explains. It's not that she is drawing back, nor that she fears what they discuss, but Asil is too distracting for his own good and for the moment Eun wants to be more clear headed as they talk.]

And while I'm sure there are exceptions...a mating bond happens between two people who make a serious commitment to each other, after which their wolves will generally follow suit and acknowledge it also. To recap what you said last night.

[She licks her lips, tasting icing and cinnamon, and looks steadily at Asil now.]

What's between us is far from casual, and I think last night I didn't fully put two and two together, but...you said we could go at my pace. More than once. I appreciated it then and I still do now. But does that mean you already know--would you go faster if that was an option?

[ He pauses, weighing his words with care. ]

Yes and no. [ He meets her gaze. ] My wolf would have you as ours. I would as well. But that does not mean I would choose to sacrifice the trust you have placed in me.

[How she missed this particular nuance of last night's conversation, she's not entirely sure. But she thinks that perhaps when he talked about a day or five, perhaps this is what he'd been referring to.

She shakes a her head a little, not in rejection of him or his feelings, but at the thought of him sacrificing her trust.]

Of course you wouldn't. I know that. My wolf knows that. [Her eyes search his, for any sign that he regrets telling her this much. That he has doubts. Any wavering whatsoever. But there is none of that. He is steady even as the full truth comes to light.] But you just...you know. Both of you. You know that I'm the one you want.

We know that we believe you are a good match for us.

[ His voice is soft. And perhaps in that moment, he looks younger. Just like any other young man speaking with a girl without giving voice to the extent of his feelings. ]

It is not final unless you accept us. There is always a choice, Eun.

Edited 2020-05-02 10:41 (UTC)

[He talks about her choices, about her freedom to decide at her pace, and perhaps Eun isn't focusing on that because she knows deep down in her soul that he meant it when he said that even if she took ten years he would wait for her to be ready. That isn't the part she's focusing on, she does not feel pressured in the least. It is his conviction that her mind has stopped on. The certainty, even if he won't tell her yes, he knows.

The shift of his voice and the micro expressions on his face give way to something softer and more vulnerable, and it brings Eun up short.]

I'm being rude, aren't I. Pushing for answers when I don't completely have my own yet. [She swallows, reaching for him with a hand not covered in icing. Her fingers are light on his skin, as if momentarily uncertain of her right to touch him.] I'm sorry, Asil. Sometimes I'm too blunt of a hammer.

[Her cheeks color faintly with embarrassment at her pushing.]

[ He turns his hand around, curling his fingers along the underside of her arm in a quiet gesture of invitation and permission. ]

It is alright. No harm, Eun. We can wait.

[Her hand rests more firmly on his skin, fingers curling gently along the underside of his jaw. The touch of his hand is comforting, and gives her reassurance, but it doesn't erase the way that she feels in that moment. Troubled by her own questioning, she volunteers her own thoughts and feelings, not just to try and balance what she pushed him to expose but to share some of her own truths.]

I don't feel pressured by you. Just to make that clear. Not at all. I haven't felt pressured or pushed or...anything like that from you. The only person putting pressure on me is me. [She gives him a small smile, sheepish and still uncomfortable with her own pressure.] Everything is new and it doesn't just feel good, it feels right. And so for the first time in my life instead of thinking about what it would be like to date someone seriously, I think about what it would be like to plan the rest of my life with you. You've been so good about telling me repeatedly that we can take things slow and at my pace, and rationally I know that I should take a lot of time to be sure. There is a lot of time to do that and there isn't any reason for us to rush...

It's the rightness that pushes at me. I said last night my heart was meant for you and I believe that. [She shakes her head a little, averting her eyes as a blush covers her cheeks further.] I'm sorry for being so clumsy about things this morning...it's just that my brain sort of caught up with me and I realized the implications of what you said and...and it's honestly such a relief to know I'm not the only one who feels so certain of what they want so quickly.

[ Asil listens. He hears her speak. Gives her space to articulate her thoughts, because he's come to realizations as well. ]

Eun, [ he shifts closer ] the wolf is a pragmatic creature. It takes what is offered and does not worry overmuch about what comes after.

It is our human side that often needs time.

[ He leans his cheek to her touch; shuts his eyes. ] But first, an explanation, so that you at least have context.

[ He opens his eyes again and looks at her tenderly. ]

I lost Sarai and was chased for almost two hundred years - by the same witch who tortured my love. When I came here to die and to beg Bran for release, it was because I believed I was going mad.

Werewolves, as with our wild cousins, mate for life. But unlike them, we are capable of far more mayhem and destruction. A werewolf that has lost their mate is often unstable in the aftermath. It is partly the severing of the bond, partly the loss of a lifelong partner in exchange for grief.

It is not uncommon to put down those of us who cannot move past that grief. For the safety of the pack and for the humans around us.

[ He knows that this might scare her. Commitment, in any time period, is daunting. But he promised her truth, so here is truth. ]

The witch is dead. She had trapped Sarai's soul in a living hell of servitude in a deranged bid for power - and that madness had crept to me through our mate bond. Once the spell was broken I could mourn. And the Marrok thought me fit enough to continue living.

And now you are here. [ He offers her a tentative smile. ] I am thankful, mi amor, for the reassurance that I have not pressured you. It is a concern for me because the pull of an Alpha is strong. An Alpha can provide protection and security and strength - all of which a wolf of your age might gravitate to.

But I have been given the impression that you are a woman who wants more. And it is the woman who I wish to woo. The certainty of the wolf may work for some couples, but I am too set in my ways and have seen what a loveless marriage can do to others of our kind.

I do not wish that for us.

[ And because it has been a long, long time since he has felt the uncertainty that accompanies courtship. ] Again, I am prepared to wait. Even if it means risking you deciding that we are not suitable.

Edited 2020-05-03 04:51 (UTC)

[It is at this point that Eun wonders if she's not being clear. If she's not making the finer point and nuance of what has occurred to her and what she's feeling understandable to him. Does he understand the significance of what she's saying? She keeps telling him that yes, she appreciates his giving her time, and she is going to take it because there is still so much more to discuss and experience, but to Eun it almost feels as if she has to explain herself again.

But he is speaking now, and so she listens, letting her fingers trail under his chin now.

And it's then that she hears him speak his mate's name for the first time. She knew that he had one and that she died, but not how. Not the details. Her movements still as he holds her gaze and explains what he has been through. The full extent of what he experienced, not just the grief of losing his mate and how she died, or even the centuries he spent running from her killer. The full story of how he thought he was going mad, and the vulnerabilities and weaknesses one takes on by being mated.

There are things she did not ask him about mating bonds, did not think to ask, but he tells her now, adding context to his story. Her hand slips down until she cups the side of his neck, letting it rest there in a wordless gesture of support as he tells her the full truth.

She doesn't see the point that he is trying to get to until he is there, perhaps gently suggesting that it is not only Eun who is feeling the rightness of their pairing, but the wolf who may yet be influencing her also. Responding the draw of a capable Alpha who, responding to Eun's feelings and also her desire to live more than a decade beyond the moment, could provide for them security and protection.

It is nothing even approaching a rejection or reproach, but the whole of what he's imparted startles her all the same. She doesn't know where to begin to respond. The story of his mate is beyond tragic. Even at its bare bones it makes her wolf claw at her from within with anger for what happened to Sarai and Asil, for how the witch tormented him for decades and pushed him to the brink. There is the information about what happens to werewolves who lose their mates, as well as the fact that their wolves may decide they wish to be mated too strongly before the bond is there between the humans. Too soon, before they can be sure...

Asil's persistent comments about not pressuring her or rushing her, about letting her have all the time she needs makes sense. It is not just an offer or even a reminder, but his way of letting her know what he wants for them as well. That he wants for himself. For her to take the time to know so that if and when they are mated, it has not been done in haste or with any lingering misgivings.

He has her heart and he is the one who recognizes better than she that this period of wooing her is really only just begun.

Asil deserves a response, a proper reply to all that he's told her, but as she sits there in his kitchen, wearing his shirt and eating cinnamon rolls at his table, she feels quite foolish. Eun forces a tight smile on her face and nods.]

Okay. I get it. Thank you for explaining and...for sharing with me what you went through. So I would understand and understand you better.

[Even as she says it, she knows he deserves so much more than that. However, so much of the certainty she felt moments ago is gone, and her mind gives way to the quiet chaos of too many thoughts and questions for herself, and the faint distress she feels at her more recent comments. She does not trust herself to put any of what she's thinking to words except for one thing.]

I'm so sorry about Sarai, and what happened to you both. I'm glad the witch cannot hurt either of you anymore.

[ It is the tightness around her eyes that lets him know that there is more she could say, but that she may not be ready to speak of them just yet.

He reaches over to touch her cheek, and drops a kiss to her wrist in a bid for reassurance. ]

I am not going anywhere, Eun. [ He smiles at her. ] My penchant for dramatics aside, I will remain right here to answer your questions or listen to your thoughts.

[The offer of reassurance is appreciated, but as to how well it accomplishes what he wants is up for debate. Some lingering misgivings and some other thing she hasn't quite put her finger on make it hard to simply shrug off the last few moments. She nods in acknowledgment, not quite meeting his eyes. Eun isn't so unaware of herself to not realize that all of her body language has given away that something that has upset her, but she has no intention of giving anything away too soon.]

Thank you. When I have more I'll be sure to say so.

[When she's had more than a moment to absorb fully what he's said and figure out how she feels about all of it, anyway. It's clear that she needs to, and quickly perhaps. Eun feels off-kilter enough now to want to beg off lingering for the day, to run back to the quiet and solitude of her cabin where she can more freely be emotional and work through everything. She hates that the thought of running away even occurs to her, and only further builds into her growing concerns that perhaps she is too young and inexperienced for him.]

Do you have more work to do in the garden this morning?

[Did she already ask? She can't remember. If she did, she certainly can't remember what his answer was.]

Nothing that could not be put off. [ He watches her carefully, even as he keeps his voice even and light. Something has spooked her, and the need to soothe her comes very strong - but he will not force, and instead offer.

His wolf is worried that she will run. He hopes that she does not. ]

But I suppose I may need to fuss over some blooms. Just to be sure.

[ A pause, then an offer: ] Last time you visited my home you expressed curiosity over poetry books. You are welcome to browse through the office that doubles as a library.

Alternatively, while I fear I will not be able to join you in a run as a wolf, my property is wide and you will not be disturbed if you wish to explore the woods.

[Eun mostly succeeds at not looking relieved by or grateful for his answers, nodding as she simply takes in all of the options he gives her. He knows that something is amiss and Eun knows that he knows. He has made the offer to listen if she has more questions or thoughts, and having told him she'll come to him when she does, he's giving her the option of space.

Something she needs very much right now.]

When we finish eating, you could check in on everything while I clean up the kitchen? [There are only so many cinnamon rolls, and they both have a werewolf's appetite.] I don't know how long it would take you but after...I may peek into your library or take a short walk before returning.

[She'll take the space she needs, that which he offers, but heads off any concerns he may have that she might not return after her walk.]

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