[ they've been dancing around each other for weeks.
they're an odd team now, raleigh and her, and she suspects it happened even before he decided to play knight in not-so-shining armor, coming to her unlikely rescue when one of the workers had gotten partcularly drunk they were too impaired to take a girl's "no," seriously. raleigh had helped distract the guy, naomi had kneed said guy in the balls and they'd high-tailed it out of the bar to the small studio apartment she was renting where he'd asked her if she was alright and she'd offered to patch up the cut above his brow where the guy's watch had nicked him.
she'd offered him the couch but he'd declined, opting instead to stay and talk a little more until she nodded off. and when she'd woken the next day, she wasn't surprised to find him gone.
they're on the steps to her apartment when he remarks on her cigarettes for the first time. naomi's observant ( she's had to be, given her line of work ) so she's always noted the way raleigh looks like he's got something to say about her one vice.
those'll kill you, you know. but he says it without heat, a mere statement of fact as he runs his fingers through his damp hair. it had taken some convincing but her shower is at his disposal now, whenever he feels he needs it.
everybody dies eventually, she responds, tossing him a sad smile. tried kicking the habit. the patch is weird and gum does nothing for the oral fixation. if there were e-cigs still on the market it'd probably do the trick, but i'm not spending an arm and a leg for that.
is that why you smoke? to keep your mouth occupied? it was a joke, but she'd already been thinking about his mouth, a mix of nostalgia mingling with the growing attraction for the quiet, if somber man who was a direct contrast to the bright-eyed, talkative boy from her youth.
she doesn't wait for the bubble of tension to break on it's own, takes the needle herself and pops it wide open, her mouth pressed to his, the taste of cloves and ash on her tongue.
and then they're in her bed, her fingers curling over his bicep as he pushes into her heat, their mouths a perfect fit against against other. ] Raleigh--
[ she hasn't had anyone touch her like this in years. can't trust other people in her field further than she can talk to them, not interested in others who didn't care enough about the war.
but raleigh touches her like he knows exactly what she likes, like this isn't the first time. ]
[ she sighs his name and it just adds to the dissonance in his head. he wonders if this is normal. if there are other pilots who have been caught in a situation like one their co-pilot had, and then had trouble rooting themselves to the present instead of slipping into the bits of someone not them that was left in their head after the drift.
his lips leave hers and he kisses her collarbone as his thumb traces another circle around her clit. a moment later, he realizes that's exactly what yancy had done to her in that truck and--he can't do this. not like this.
the way he presses his mouth to her chest as he slips his fingers out of her is almost apologetic. raleigh can't quite look at her as he backs away and sits on the edge of the bed, his right hand covering his face. ] Shit. Naomi, I'm sorry, I-- [ god, how does he even explain the fact that he can't even have sex with her because his dead brother is still in his head at the worst of times? ]
[ he slides his fingers out of her and pulls away, and she mistakes it for shyness, for him feeling unsure because they're friends and even if they've been that for a little less than three months, she knows already he's not the kind of guy to just sleep around.
she reaches for him then, pushes up from the bed to slip her arms around his bare torso, her lips pressing soft kisses along the pattern of scars that mark his skin.
when her lips track a path up to right behind his ear, her hand skims over his stomach, courage taking hold. ] I want you. [ her voice is thick with emotion. ] But if you don't want this, I'll get dressed right now.
[ there's no question as to what he's going to say to that. especially not when he can tell just how invested in this she is. he turns so he can brush his fingers across her cheekbones and kiss her softly. ] I want this. [ another chaste kiss. ] But--
[ but he needs to explain. needs her to understand why his brain is stuttering to a stop and he can't even begin to fathom how he can talk about it. about yancy. he never, ever talks about yancy. it hurts too much.
raleigh rests his forehead against naomi's collarbone and swallows hard. forces himself to keep talking, voice rough and low. it's harder than he thought it would be. both to talk about this and to talk about his brother period. ]
When you Drift with someone, there's no secrets between you. It's impossible for there to be. You're not two people in a machine, you become one person with the Jaeger acting as your body. You feel every hit she takes, and you experience everything your co-pilot does as if it was happening to you. [ he squeezes his eyes shut and tries to shove down the nerves that are making him feel a little queasy. people who aren't in the ppdc just don't get pilots. he can't even begin to count how many people he and yancy had freaked out with their hangovers, and that's not even close to what he's about to say. ] That night. In the truck. I remember it.
[ he kisses her back so sweetly it leaves her craving more. raleigh is gentle, careful, it's almost enough to make her chase after him.
when he presses his forehead close to her shoulder, naomi brings her arms around him in a steadying embrace. he's shivering, she thinks, and the roughness in his voice prompts her to run her fingers through his hair.
the moment he speaks she listens. she can feel the tension along the line of his shoulders as he tells her about the drift, about things she's read about but never anything in-depth because the ppdc keep their secrets well-guarded. she knows about the mind-meld, about the circuitry suits and how they assist in speeding up reaction times when pilots find themselves one with the machine--
--but she hadn't considered what he's telling her now. because for a moment she finds herself wondering what he means by that night; in the truck, and when it dawns she goes still.
yancy. their little tryst because raleigh never called her back, because it was flattering for a twenty-one year old to show interest in a high school senior. they tell you that you never forget your first time, and yancy becket had made for a memorable first: experienced, attentive, generous with giving her pleasue as much as he had been taking his.
and she can... she can see how this just got complicated. because the ghost of his brother is literally between them.
she pulls back a little and tips raleigh's chin up then. ] Just answer me this: Is it because Yancy wanted me then or because you want me now that we're here in my bed?
[ it's a valid question. and he doesn't mean to belittle it, but he can't help the ghost of a smile that crosses his face. ]
We're here because I want you now. [ raleigh rests his hand on her thigh and lets his fingers lightly trace patterns on the inside of it. ]
I wanted you back then, too. [ which begs the question of whether yancy wanted her because of raleigh or not. but yancy is dead and he's taken the answer to that question to the grave with him. ] We fought about it, you know. Him sleeping with you. It nearly got us kicked out of the program. [ because if you can't be in balance with you co-pilot, you're shit out of luck. there may have been rules and regulations about brawling with your fellow cadets, but everyone knew that was the crux of the issue.
he leans in and rests his forehead against hers, rolling his thoughts over and over in his head while he tries to figure out if there's really anything he needs to get out while they're having this little confessional. all he can come up with is: ] I'm sorry I saw what I did how I did. [ it was an invasion of her privacy, really. ]
[ he apologizes and if she had been less of the woman she was now and more of the girl she had been, naomi would probably be embarrassed. she still is, but not for something that, based solely on what he's telling her, was something he clearly had no control over.
she pushes raleigh down against the sheets as she straddles his hips, mouth meeting his as her fingers run through his hair. ]
I heard about the fight. [ she kisses him deeply, an apology of her own, because sure yancy had wanted her but she could have said no; she could have walked away and not let her wounded pride get the best of her. ] It's why I left for college as soon as I could. It's why I moved.
[ she comes up for a breath and hides her face in his chest. ] I'm sorry if I almost ruined it for you both.
[ and she offers up an awful confession of her own: ] I... I wanted him to be you.
[ she pushes him down and he goes willingly, thoroughly enjoying the way her mouth moves against his. this... this is different enough from his second-hand memories that he doesn't get all tangled up in them again. and when she keeps talking against this mouth, that helps too. ]
Don't be. It wasn't just about you. [ a lot of it was. and she was the spark that ignited the whole thing. but there's no denying the fact that there was some shit raleigh and yancy needed to work out before they could really drift together.
the breath goes out of him when she says i wanted him to be you. not for the first time since he's started getting to know naomi he things, i really should have called her. but what happened, happened. the important thing now is he's in her bed, she's on top of him, and he really wants her. so he runs his fingers down his spine and kisses the top of her head. ] You've got me now. [ he tilts her chin up a little so he can look her in the eye. there's that ghost of a smile again. ] Got any idea on what you're going to do with me?
[ questions like that are better answered with action, so naomi leans in, fits her mouth against his again because the shape of it against her lips is something she likes and the taste of him on her tongue is something she could get used to having for a very long time. she rests her forearms on either side of his head for balance, fingers playing with his hair as she explores his mouth.
she's not seventeen anymore, she's had other men, has explored her own body in a way to figure out the things she likes, the things she doesn't. when she breaks the kiss, she presses her mouth to the pulse at his neck, one hand reaching down between them to stroke the length of him.
years ago, in that truck with yancy becket, she hadn't known what she wanted other than that she wanted to badly to be touched. she'd been shy and uncertain, following the older boy's lead as he put mouth and hands and the rest of him to good use.
there's no room for shyness now, not when naomi skims palms over skin, raleigh's name murmured between her lips. they're not kids the way they used to be. she's not a starstruck teen, and he's seen more than most people should ever have to live through. ]
Stay the night. Please. [ she whispers the words against his mouth, body flush against his. ]
[ her touch is like electricity. it's like being in a drivesuit again and feeling the current zing along the circuitry suit. it's a heady feeling. intoxicating the way really good alcohol is. it's warm and easy and the taste of her in his mouth is better than anything else he's ever had.
she asks him to stay the night and there's really only one response to that. ] Yes. [ yes, he'll stay the night. yes, he'll stay with her in her bed and hold her until she wakes, even if insomnia hits him again. yes, he'll probably do whatever she asks of him.
not just because he likes the way she feels when they're like this. but because she's quite literally the best thing to happen to him in years. naomi is the silver lining to the dark cloud that seems to swallow his life now. she makes him feel like maybe there's still something worth living for other than the knowledge that yancy wanted him to. it's likely that he'll never be able to put into words just how much she's done for him. depression is still a near-constant companion and he still gets in his funks but, well.
moments like these are things he didn't think he'd really have again. real emotional connections with people are things he thought he'd given up. and raleigh's never been more happy to be proven wrong. ]
[ he tells her yes, and something inside of her clicks like a key opening a lock. naomi brings their foreheads together then, a small smile playing on her lips as she draws his arms around her. ] Touch me, please.
[ one hand comes up to trace fingers along the line of his jaw, hesitant and tender. because raleigh moves like a ghost might: quiet, watchful, always on the fringes, but on occasion there is a spark of life behind his sad eyes and naomi watches out for that the way she might the embers of a banked fire. ]
I'm with you, [ she whispers, shaken to the core by the realization of the depth of her feelings for him. ] I'm with you now. I don't know how the memories work, but we're both here. This isn't Kodiak and I'm not seventeen or with your brother. I'm with you, Raleigh. I'm right here.
[ tonight, there is light in his eyes. it flickers, but never wavers, when he brushes fingers along her jawline, her collarbone, down the length of her spine. they're soft, almost hesitant touches. not because he's scared. no, that won't happen until he realizes just how much he cares about her. rather, it's because he wants to make this last, to keep this memory preserved in his head forever.
( one day, short years from now, he will drift with a girl with blue-tipped hair. she'll see flashes of this night in the drift and after will look at him thoughtfully. when he asks her to verbalize what she's thinking, she says you both are beautiful, and he knows she means more than physically. )
raleigh tilts his head and catches her lips with his. ] I don't think I could be more in the here and now if I tried. [ which is saying something, considering how often he gets lost in memories of yancy when the moments are quiet. ]
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loccent2013-10-08 09:58 pm
no subject
they're an odd team now, raleigh and her, and she suspects it happened even before he decided to play knight in not-so-shining armor, coming to her unlikely rescue when one of the workers had gotten partcularly drunk they were too impaired to take a girl's "no," seriously. raleigh had helped distract the guy, naomi had kneed said guy in the balls and they'd high-tailed it out of the bar to the small studio apartment she was renting where he'd asked her if she was alright and she'd offered to patch up the cut above his brow where the guy's watch had nicked him.
she'd offered him the couch but he'd declined, opting instead to stay and talk a little more until she nodded off. and when she'd woken the next day, she wasn't surprised to find him gone.
they're on the steps to her apartment when he remarks on her cigarettes for the first time. naomi's observant ( she's had to be, given her line of work ) so she's always noted the way raleigh looks like he's got something to say about her one vice.
those'll kill you, you know. but he says it without heat, a mere statement of fact as he runs his fingers through his damp hair. it had taken some convincing but her shower is at his disposal now, whenever he feels he needs it.
everybody dies eventually, she responds, tossing him a sad smile. tried kicking the habit. the patch is weird and gum does nothing for the oral fixation. if there were e-cigs still on the market it'd probably do the trick, but i'm not spending an arm and a leg for that.
is that why you smoke? to keep your mouth occupied? it was a joke, but she'd already been thinking about his mouth, a mix of nostalgia mingling with the growing attraction for the quiet, if somber man who was a direct contrast to the bright-eyed, talkative boy from her youth.
she doesn't wait for the bubble of tension to break on it's own, takes the needle herself and pops it wide open, her mouth pressed to his, the taste of cloves and ash on her tongue.
and then they're in her bed, her fingers curling over his bicep as he pushes into her heat, their mouths a perfect fit against against other. ] Raleigh--
[ she hasn't had anyone touch her like this in years. can't trust other people in her field further than she can talk to them, not interested in others who didn't care enough about the war.
but raleigh touches her like he knows exactly what she likes, like this isn't the first time. ]
no subject
his lips leave hers and he kisses her collarbone as his thumb traces another circle around her clit. a moment later, he realizes that's exactly what yancy had done to her in that truck and--he can't do this. not like this.
the way he presses his mouth to her chest as he slips his fingers out of her is almost apologetic. raleigh can't quite look at her as he backs away and sits on the edge of the bed, his right hand covering his face. ] Shit. Naomi, I'm sorry, I-- [ god, how does he even explain the fact that he can't even have sex with her because his dead brother is still in his head at the worst of times? ]
no subject
she reaches for him then, pushes up from the bed to slip her arms around his bare torso, her lips pressing soft kisses along the pattern of scars that mark his skin.
when her lips track a path up to right behind his ear, her hand skims over his stomach, courage taking hold. ] I want you. [ her voice is thick with emotion. ] But if you don't want this, I'll get dressed right now.
no subject
[ but he needs to explain. needs her to understand why his brain is stuttering to a stop and he can't even begin to fathom how he can talk about it. about yancy. he never, ever talks about yancy. it hurts too much.
raleigh rests his forehead against naomi's collarbone and swallows hard. forces himself to keep talking, voice rough and low. it's harder than he thought it would be. both to talk about this and to talk about his brother period. ]
When you Drift with someone, there's no secrets between you. It's impossible for there to be. You're not two people in a machine, you become one person with the Jaeger acting as your body. You feel every hit she takes, and you experience everything your co-pilot does as if it was happening to you. [ he squeezes his eyes shut and tries to shove down the nerves that are making him feel a little queasy. people who aren't in the ppdc just don't get pilots. he can't even begin to count how many people he and yancy had freaked out with their hangovers, and that's not even close to what he's about to say. ] That night. In the truck. I remember it.
no subject
when he presses his forehead close to her shoulder, naomi brings her arms around him in a steadying embrace. he's shivering, she thinks, and the roughness in his voice prompts her to run her fingers through his hair.
the moment he speaks she listens. she can feel the tension along the line of his shoulders as he tells her about the drift, about things she's read about but never anything in-depth because the ppdc keep their secrets well-guarded. she knows about the mind-meld, about the circuitry suits and how they assist in speeding up reaction times when pilots find themselves one with the machine--
--but she hadn't considered what he's telling her now. because for a moment she finds herself wondering what he means by that night; in the truck, and when it dawns she goes still.
yancy. their little tryst because raleigh never called her back, because it was flattering for a twenty-one year old to show interest in a high school senior. they tell you that you never forget your first time, and yancy becket had made for a memorable first: experienced, attentive, generous with giving her pleasue as much as he had been taking his.
and she can... she can see how this just got complicated. because the ghost of his brother is literally between them.
she pulls back a little and tips raleigh's chin up then. ] Just answer me this: Is it because Yancy wanted me then or because you want me now that we're here in my bed?
no subject
We're here because I want you now. [ raleigh rests his hand on her thigh and lets his fingers lightly trace patterns on the inside of it. ]
I wanted you back then, too. [ which begs the question of whether yancy wanted her because of raleigh or not. but yancy is dead and he's taken the answer to that question to the grave with him. ] We fought about it, you know. Him sleeping with you. It nearly got us kicked out of the program. [ because if you can't be in balance with you co-pilot, you're shit out of luck. there may have been rules and regulations about brawling with your fellow cadets, but everyone knew that was the crux of the issue.
he leans in and rests his forehead against hers, rolling his thoughts over and over in his head while he tries to figure out if there's really anything he needs to get out while they're having this little confessional. all he can come up with is: ] I'm sorry I saw what I did how I did. [ it was an invasion of her privacy, really. ]
no subject
she pushes raleigh down against the sheets as she straddles his hips, mouth meeting his as her fingers run through his hair. ]
I heard about the fight. [ she kisses him deeply, an apology of her own, because sure yancy had wanted her but she could have said no; she could have walked away and not let her wounded pride get the best of her. ] It's why I left for college as soon as I could. It's why I moved.
[ she comes up for a breath and hides her face in his chest. ] I'm sorry if I almost ruined it for you both.
[ and she offers up an awful confession of her own: ] I... I wanted him to be you.
no subject
Don't be. It wasn't just about you. [ a lot of it was. and she was the spark that ignited the whole thing. but there's no denying the fact that there was some shit raleigh and yancy needed to work out before they could really drift together.
the breath goes out of him when she says i wanted him to be you. not for the first time since he's started getting to know naomi he things, i really should have called her. but what happened, happened. the important thing now is he's in her bed, she's on top of him, and he really wants her. so he runs his fingers down his spine and kisses the top of her head. ] You've got me now. [ he tilts her chin up a little so he can look her in the eye. there's that ghost of a smile again. ] Got any idea on what you're going to do with me?
no subject
she's not seventeen anymore, she's had other men, has explored her own body in a way to figure out the things she likes, the things she doesn't. when she breaks the kiss, she presses her mouth to the pulse at his neck, one hand reaching down between them to stroke the length of him.
years ago, in that truck with yancy becket, she hadn't known what she wanted other than that she wanted to badly to be touched. she'd been shy and uncertain, following the older boy's lead as he put mouth and hands and the rest of him to good use.
there's no room for shyness now, not when naomi skims palms over skin, raleigh's name murmured between her lips. they're not kids the way they used to be. she's not a starstruck teen, and he's seen more than most people should ever have to live through. ]
Stay the night. Please. [ she whispers the words against his mouth, body flush against his. ]
no subject
she asks him to stay the night and there's really only one response to that. ] Yes. [ yes, he'll stay the night. yes, he'll stay with her in her bed and hold her until she wakes, even if insomnia hits him again. yes, he'll probably do whatever she asks of him.
not just because he likes the way she feels when they're like this. but because she's quite literally the best thing to happen to him in years. naomi is the silver lining to the dark cloud that seems to swallow his life now. she makes him feel like maybe there's still something worth living for other than the knowledge that yancy wanted him to. it's likely that he'll never be able to put into words just how much she's done for him. depression is still a near-constant companion and he still gets in his funks but, well.
moments like these are things he didn't think he'd really have again. real emotional connections with people are things he thought he'd given up. and raleigh's never been more happy to be proven wrong. ]
no subject
[ one hand comes up to trace fingers along the line of his jaw, hesitant and tender. because raleigh moves like a ghost might: quiet, watchful, always on the fringes, but on occasion there is a spark of life behind his sad eyes and naomi watches out for that the way she might the embers of a banked fire. ]
I'm with you, [ she whispers, shaken to the core by the realization of the depth of her feelings for him. ] I'm with you now. I don't know how the memories work, but we're both here. This isn't Kodiak and I'm not seventeen or with your brother. I'm with you, Raleigh. I'm right here.
no subject
( one day, short years from now, he will drift with a girl with blue-tipped hair. she'll see flashes of this night in the drift and after will look at him thoughtfully. when he asks her to verbalize what she's thinking, she says you both are beautiful, and he knows she means more than physically. )
raleigh tilts his head and catches her lips with his. ] I don't think I could be more in the here and now if I tried. [ which is saying something, considering how often he gets lost in memories of yancy when the moments are quiet. ]