[Asil's wolf isn't the only one that is restless, but Eun's understands that this space is necessary. The wolf is a practical creature and even if it doesn't need time to think and process the way that Eun does, it seems to understand at least a little that Eun needs this. There is compromise between woman and wolf, and so they travel.
What starts as a brisk pace into the trees turns into a jog, then a run until she feels wind on her face and through her heart. She is young and strong, fleet of foot and agile. Having the space and privacy to do this makes her feel freer than any amount of tromping through downtown San Francisco made her feel like queen of her own little realm. For a time, she doesn't think. She runs, and the wolf, approving of this at least, acts as her companion in the woods. This would be better on four feet, she knows, but it suits her now. She runs out the worst of the emotion she feels, the emotional edge that threatened to tighten her throat and bottle her words in so that would only be hurt feelings.
And when she needs to catch her breath, she stops, hands resting on her knees as she leans over to take quick, deep breaths. Her heart pounds in her ears and somehow the physical exertion has been as centering for her as meditation might be for others. She recognizes herself in this moment, and it is a relief to feel that way.
When she's ready, she begins walking back to Asil's. It will take longer to get back at a walk, and she hopes by the end of it she'll have a better idea of why she is so upset, and why something struck her as not quite right with the end of their conversation. It is not an easy process for her, who has never had to analyze her emotions or previous conversations quite so in depth as she does now. Eun tells herself if she hasn't figured it out by the time she gets close to Asil's home again, she can take the long way around or do another loop. She stops about a hundred yards from his home, mulling over everything still.
It is easy for her to discern that the story of Asil and his first mate, Sarai, is not the cause of her upset. Her wolf bristles with anger at what happened to them, and Eun finds it hard not to feel something about it at as well, but it is not the cause of her upset. What happened to them is a tragedy, and that he endured such pain and madness for so many years is unthinkable to her. But at least she is certain that she feels no jealousy for the woman who loved Asil before her.
No, Eun feels quite certain that what bothered her had to do with the rest. She's not so new to being a werewolf that she isn't aware of the fact that the wolf inside can influence the person. There is an anger there, and edge that is more sharply honed now. Eun has to exercise control over things she once never had to before. She's not unpracticed at it, but it does take more careful handling and different mental tools to succeed. But it was always the anger. The fact that the wolf could try to influence her choice of mate is what leaves her disquieted.
But that isn't quite it either.
It takes time for Eun to realize that what first upset her wasn't that Asil pointed out the wolf's possible influence, but that in the way he left it, it felt as though it were assumed to be true. She opened out her heart to him, and he countered by suggesting that it was her wolf making her feel that way. Feel the pressure of need and want and to not take her time. Eun's never been so irrational as to throw caution to the wind, especially not with such a huge decision as this, but it's the first time she's wanted to. The rush of a first love is heady stuff, and with someone she trusts to be there for her as she falls, it is hard to resist it.
These are the thoughts that ring true for her. The things she has to make clear to him.
And yet, identifying the initial cause of her upset doesn't erase the lingering queasy feeling in her stomach. Her behavior in the conversation still leaves her unsettled. She pushed him for answers that he was perhaps not ready to give, and while she apologized for that...her own confession of feelings and the emotional upset she felt in light of his response still has her feeling very young, and very foolish. It is hard not to blame him, because it would be easier to blame him for the way that she feels, but Eun can acknowledge that she is responsible for most of her feelings and emotions from that morning.
For someone with such confidence in herself, so much pride that at times it has verged on arrogance in the past, it is unsettling to feel the full weight of her inexperience crash down on her. He has had love before, a mate, a full committed relationship, and this is the first time she has felt any romantic interest for another person. For all of her upset at not wanting to be called or seen as a child, she feels like one now. Eun cannot stop herself from thinking that perhaps Asil would be better served not tying himself to a young woman who doesn't know a lot about committed relationships. Could she even claim to be ready for that after five years? Or ten? When he has had so many centuries more to love and learn?
Eun heads back to the house when she cannot come to any further conclusions than what she has. She is not so upset as she was before, but still thoughtful and apprehensive as she steps through the front door again. Her shoes are left at the door, and her nose picks up the scent of food in the kitchen. This time, Eun doesn't wait for him to come to her. She heads into the greenhouse where Asil sits, and moves to sit beside him. At once her arms wrap around his waist and her cheek rests on his shoulder as she breathes in his scent and takes comfort in his presence once more.]
no subject
What starts as a brisk pace into the trees turns into a jog, then a run until she feels wind on her face and through her heart. She is young and strong, fleet of foot and agile. Having the space and privacy to do this makes her feel freer than any amount of tromping through downtown San Francisco made her feel like queen of her own little realm. For a time, she doesn't think. She runs, and the wolf, approving of this at least, acts as her companion in the woods. This would be better on four feet, she knows, but it suits her now. She runs out the worst of the emotion she feels, the emotional edge that threatened to tighten her throat and bottle her words in so that would only be hurt feelings.
And when she needs to catch her breath, she stops, hands resting on her knees as she leans over to take quick, deep breaths. Her heart pounds in her ears and somehow the physical exertion has been as centering for her as meditation might be for others. She recognizes herself in this moment, and it is a relief to feel that way.
When she's ready, she begins walking back to Asil's. It will take longer to get back at a walk, and she hopes by the end of it she'll have a better idea of why she is so upset, and why something struck her as not quite right with the end of their conversation. It is not an easy process for her, who has never had to analyze her emotions or previous conversations quite so in depth as she does now. Eun tells herself if she hasn't figured it out by the time she gets close to Asil's home again, she can take the long way around or do another loop. She stops about a hundred yards from his home, mulling over everything still.
It is easy for her to discern that the story of Asil and his first mate, Sarai, is not the cause of her upset. Her wolf bristles with anger at what happened to them, and Eun finds it hard not to feel something about it at as well, but it is not the cause of her upset. What happened to them is a tragedy, and that he endured such pain and madness for so many years is unthinkable to her. But at least she is certain that she feels no jealousy for the woman who loved Asil before her.
No, Eun feels quite certain that what bothered her had to do with the rest. She's not so new to being a werewolf that she isn't aware of the fact that the wolf inside can influence the person. There is an anger there, and edge that is more sharply honed now. Eun has to exercise control over things she once never had to before. She's not unpracticed at it, but it does take more careful handling and different mental tools to succeed. But it was always the anger. The fact that the wolf could try to influence her choice of mate is what leaves her disquieted.
But that isn't quite it either.
It takes time for Eun to realize that what first upset her wasn't that Asil pointed out the wolf's possible influence, but that in the way he left it, it felt as though it were assumed to be true. She opened out her heart to him, and he countered by suggesting that it was her wolf making her feel that way. Feel the pressure of need and want and to not take her time. Eun's never been so irrational as to throw caution to the wind, especially not with such a huge decision as this, but it's the first time she's wanted to. The rush of a first love is heady stuff, and with someone she trusts to be there for her as she falls, it is hard to resist it.
These are the thoughts that ring true for her. The things she has to make clear to him.
And yet, identifying the initial cause of her upset doesn't erase the lingering queasy feeling in her stomach. Her behavior in the conversation still leaves her unsettled. She pushed him for answers that he was perhaps not ready to give, and while she apologized for that...her own confession of feelings and the emotional upset she felt in light of his response still has her feeling very young, and very foolish. It is hard not to blame him, because it would be easier to blame him for the way that she feels, but Eun can acknowledge that she is responsible for most of her feelings and emotions from that morning.
For someone with such confidence in herself, so much pride that at times it has verged on arrogance in the past, it is unsettling to feel the full weight of her inexperience crash down on her. He has had love before, a mate, a full committed relationship, and this is the first time she has felt any romantic interest for another person. For all of her upset at not wanting to be called or seen as a child, she feels like one now. Eun cannot stop herself from thinking that perhaps Asil would be better served not tying himself to a young woman who doesn't know a lot about committed relationships. Could she even claim to be ready for that after five years? Or ten? When he has had so many centuries more to love and learn?
Eun heads back to the house when she cannot come to any further conclusions than what she has. She is not so upset as she was before, but still thoughtful and apprehensive as she steps through the front door again. Her shoes are left at the door, and her nose picks up the scent of food in the kitchen. This time, Eun doesn't wait for him to come to her. She heads into the greenhouse where Asil sits, and moves to sit beside him. At once her arms wrap around his waist and her cheek rests on his shoulder as she breathes in his scent and takes comfort in his presence once more.]
Your part of the woods are beautiful.